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With New Bio-Waste Spreader: “NFU vice-president had, it was alleged, been having some rather direct communications with the NFU’s director of communications…”
With M.D.: “Last year M.D. met an Australian surgeon who tells his junior staff: ‘Your job is to stop me killing anyone’…”
With Dr B.Ching: “When Gordon Brown launched Southeastern’s new Javelin service between Kent and London he said it was ‘a momentous day in the long and glorious history of British railways.’ It was certainly momentous for passengers who found their trains slower, less frequent or not going to the usual terminus at all…”
With Piloti: “Sir Fred ‘The Shred’ Goodwin knows nothing about architecture, but nor does Peter Morrison, the chief executive of the firm that hired him, RMJM…”
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: “Popstar to Operastar is a dire effort in which faded, wannabe or otherwise career-stopped pop singers try their hand at opera. The judges are those noted opera buffs Laurence Llewelyn Bowen and, er, Meat Loaf, replacing Dame Kiri te Kanawa and Bryn Terfel, whose names were originally floated as ‘possibles’. Yeah, right…”
With Bookworm: “These days, Edmund White’s heroes tend, like Mr White himself, to be getting on a bit: distinguished novelists conscious of a less civilized world looming up on the cyberspace margin; retired historians looking for bought love in the afternoon; ageing classicists gamely ransacking their memory vaults on out-of-season Naxos…”
With Slicker: “The depressing saga of the Barlow Clowes investment group and that previous bid to compensate the taxpayer for a City rescue suggests how the bank bail-out will probably end years from now: millions paid to lawyers and accountants, as well as bankers ,who end up running a goldmine while the taxpayer gets the shaft…”

For all these stories and much, much, more, buy the latest edition of Private Eye, available now from all good newsagents.

Issue No: 1255
Date: 5th February 2010
Price: £1.50

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Next issue in the shops: 16th February 2010
 
 
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