"Final words from Shubman Gill – 'stay calm' will be one of the words, I'm sure"
MICHAEL VAUGHAN, 5 Live Sports Extra

"Cameron Young's been flawless. He's missed the last couple of greens"
OLI FISHER, Sky Sports

"You, last year, were made Master of the King's Music: the most Elizabethan job title in the world"
GEORGIA MANN, Radio 3

"You've got to get them through the door before the window shuts"
KAREN CARNEY, TNT Sports

"Noel Gallagher – a lot of people say he's got nothing between the eyes"
EMMA B, Virgin Radio

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.