The Totally Secure Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1665
Members Only, Issue 1665
So, where’s the party this Christmas?
Wes Streeting
Down in the polls.
Down in the polls.
Morgan McSweeney
Not helpful, Wes. The PM meant the Christmas party, which Darren’s organising.
Not helpful, Wes. The PM meant the Christmas party, which Darren’s organising.
Darren Jones
Yeah, a few problems this year, actually. Most pubs appear to have banned Labour MPs.
Yeah, a few problems this year, actually. Most pubs appear to have banned Labour MPs.
Rachel Reeves
Why? That’s not good for business.
Why? That’s not good for business.
Darren Jones
They think your Budget proposals will cost them more money than they’ll make from our entire party drowning their sorrows in the boozer.
They think your Budget proposals will cost them more money than they’ll make from our entire party drowning their sorrows in the boozer.
Rachel Reeves
Gosh, economics is soooo complicated, isn’t it?
Gosh, economics is soooo complicated, isn’t it?
Angela Rayner
It is when you fookin’ do it! If we’re all barred, where am I going to get me my bucket of Venom?
It is when you fookin’ do it! If we’re all barred, where am I going to get me my bucket of Venom?
Pat McFadden
That’s a real Labour drink this Christmas!
That’s a real Labour drink this Christmas!
Yvette Cooper
You’ll need more than one bucket of Venom for this Cabinet!
You’ll need more than one bucket of Venom for this Cabinet!
All right then. If we’re not having Christmas drinks, we can still have some fun with a Secret Santa. This is a new zeitgeisty thing people are doing, where everyone gives one other person a reasonably priced gift, say for £10.
Rachel Reeves
That’s far too much! Unless I can add a Secret Santa Tax of 50% starting at the £5 threshold, which will be frozen until 2032.
That’s far too much! Unless I can add a Secret Santa Tax of 50% starting at the £5 threshold, which will be frozen until 2032.
See, I told you it would be fun.
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Next issue on sale: 7th January 2026
Next issue on sale: 7th January 2026
