The Caretaker Prime Minister's Whatsapp Group Chat
Members Only, Strictly Confidential, Issue 1579
PM's WhatsApp Group
Greetings fellow holidaymakers! Yours truly is working as hard as ever running the country from a beach in sunny Slobenia!
*Slovenia. Damned predictive text!
Nadine Dorries
May I be the first to say how much you deserve your well-earned rest after your exhausting schedule of getting things done.
You betcha, Mad Nad! I'm one knackered Bozzster. Dancing at my wedding party was the hardest I've worked for two years. Talk about a twerk event!
Nadine Dorries
But you got the party done. And you got all the big calls right. "Roll out the canapes!", "Support the War on Rishi!", "More champagne!"
Jacob Rees-Mogg
The bubbly certainly was flowing freely!
Well, there's no way I was paying for it. Thanks, Lord Bumfluff of JCB!
Carrie
Not that you need any help digging a massive hole for yourself.
Ouch, Cazza! Talk about a Sweet Carrie-line!
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Hahaha! Excellent Neil Diamond-based banter, sirrah! And may I also congratulate the wit and topical humour of your speech. Saying you'd suffered the greatest stitch-up since the Bayeux Tapestry… bravo! You had me, if I might be so bold, in, dare I say it, stitches!
A historic moment! It was indeed. The last speech I will ever give… without charging a six-figure sum. The press called it a Party, but it was really a Touting for Work Event. Bozziness as usual. The blond nuclear bombshell setting out his stall: now available for all your speaking engagement needs – United Nations addresses, international conferences, bar mitzvahs, Concrete Salesman of the Year Awards and, of course, new hospital openings.
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Oh my aching sides! New hospitals – what a comical notion!
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