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Members Only, Issue 1622

We’ve got them on the ropes, team! The Angela Rayner scandal is blowing Labour out of the water! Their lead is only now 19%.

Penny Mordaunt
At this rate they’ll be lucky to win 497 seats. #PM4PM #OrLeaderOfOpposition

No, CapitalGainsTaxGate as I call it is the end for Labour. Unless something goes badly wrong.

Mark Menzies
Hello!

Who are you?

Mark Menzies
I’m one of your MPs. I used to be PPS to the Minister of State for International Development.

James Forsyth
Oh yes, I recognise you. You had to resign following allegations that you paid a Brazilian male escort for sex.

James Forsyth
Still, that was back in 2014. All forgotten now.

So, how are things, Mark?

Mark Menzies
I’m in a room with some bad men.

Tell me about it!

Mark Menzies
No, seriously. I desperately need some money.

Jeremy Hunt
Tell me about it!

Mark Menzies
I need you to give me lots of money! NOW! It’s for medical expenses or something plausible like that.

James Forsyth
The optics on this are off the scale, boss.

What? Bigger than FailingToDeclarePrinciple- ResidenceInStockportGate?

James Forsyth
We’re going to have to take the whip away.

Oliver Dowden
As the Brazilian escort might have said!

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ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE

In This Issue

Post Office bosses 'had no idea they worked at the Post Office'… Springwatch: Rwanda edition… Calls for Nurseryland smacking ban… United States finally agrees to enter world war… House price warning over WW3… Lines written on the recent developments in Police Scotland's Operation Branchform… World's first underwater ironyometer explosion… Death found not guilty of OJ Simpson death… Liz Truss's diary, as told to Craig Brown

Toxic shock
MD on the Cass Review

Tory darling
The police chief behind the Angela Rayner investigation

Broken records
Why the Post Office seems to have learnt nothing

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