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St Theresa

School Magazine
Issue 1435
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As a warm up for triggering Article 50, the Headmistress is triggering Article 40, in order to take back control of the school magazine The Bum, available in the school lavatories and – if you’re really desperate – Mr Murdoch’s newsagents just down Toilet Street.

Now we all agree that The Bum, produced by the Sixth Form Media Soc., has acted very irresponsibly over the last few years, and needs to be brought to heel. We will force the pupils editing The Bum to abide by a strict code of conduct, which will mean they will have to pay all their pocket money to anyone they offend, even if they were right to do so – and more importantly, they will not be allowed to publish upsetting photographs of the Headmistress’ leather trousers at every opportunity…

Mrs T May
(Headmistress)

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In This Issue private eye
Health Correspondents Can’t Cope with Influx of Ailing NHS Stories… Littlejohn, Morgan, Hopkins: Why Do Arses Keep Appearing in the Daily Mail?… Bank of England Economist Admits He May Be Wrong About Being Wrong… Hospital beds, Seats on Trains – What We’ll Share in the Shared Society… Three Bears in Pop-Up Brothel Shock – Nursery Times Exclusive… Much Longer Journeys Mean Passengers Getting ‘Better Value Than Ever’ Says Rail Chief

And also...

- Trump that: The president-elect’s diary, as told to Craig Brown
- Sun tribute: The death of George Michael – a very Bizarre tale.
- Health check 2017: M.D. takes the pulse of the NHS

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Private Eye Issue 1434