COLUMNISTS
Issue 1622
pandemic update
With M.D.: "How do you treat a rapidly growing number of very distressed patients requesting medical help for highly complex problems when the available evidence on what to do is poor and you lack the resources to provide a comprehensive service? This question could apply to much of psychiatry, and was also at the heart of the Independent Review of Gender Identity Services for Children and Young People chaired by Dr Hilary Cass…"
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "Fears are growing that the introduction in England by the Westminster government of its new Environmental Land Management Scheme (ELMS), an environmental subsidy to replace EU farm payments, will crash UK food production (see last Eye). But evidence is emerging that ELMS is creating an additional threat: the large-scale eviction of tenant farmers by landlords eager to claim the subsidy payment for themselves…"
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "CrossCountry has announced 12 extra trains for its overcrowded routes 'from May 2025', long after the government forced it to dump five trains to save money. Government-owned LNER quickly restored full services on the London-Edinburgh east coast mainline after the pandemic, but CrossCountry – under Whitehall micromanagement – still runs fewer services than in 2019. That's consistent with CrossCountry's traditional neglect…"
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "When VOD (video on demand) began, it was argued that the absence of a clock grid schedule – requiring 24-hour content – would allow greater quality control than at the networks. Streamers would only release material when they wanted to, not because there was a gap at 9pm on a Thursday in July. Conversely, the pressure to sustain subscription numbers and share price against rivals has led to such constant demand for shows that streamers now sometimes seem to be releasing more than 24 hours of content a day…"
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "In working towards decarbonisation, two European nations are head and shoulders above the rest: the UK and Denmark, following quite different policies. Sixty-five percent of Danish homes are warmed by district heating schemes: here, it's less than 2 percent. Now, however, the government's new-found enthusiasm for 'small modular nuclear reactors' (SMRs) presents an opportunity, perhaps even an obligation, to adopt the Danish approach wherever an SMR is built…"
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O'Boulez: "Not a week goes by without Arts Council England coming under fire from the communities it is meant to serve, and it took a body blow the other day when Sir Antonio Pappano – late of the Royal Opera House, now the London Symphony Orchestra – joined in. Emboldened by Wigmore Hall's announcement that it is tired of ACE's ideological blundering and plans to break free from its funding (see last Eye), Pappano used the launch of his first LSO season to deliver some home truths…"
in the city
With Slicker: "Nothing illustrates how far corporate investigators have moved out of the shadows and away from the low-rent private detective image than last week's announcement that former foreign secretary Lord (William) Hague is to head Hakluyt's international advisory board. Not that Hakluyt ever saw itself as identikit private eyes involved in the often grubby business of investigations – despite infiltrating Greenpeace for BP and Shell back in the day…"
eye world
Letter from Tehran
From Our Own Correspondent: "The world might be holding its breath as our all-powerful Sepah, aka the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, considers its response to Israel's 19 April military strike on Isfahan, but we ordinary Iranians have more pressing concerns. International sanctions, rampant inflation and a collapsing currency mean the rial is worth less than a twentieth of its value a decade ago…"
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Next issue on sale: 8th May 2024
gnitty
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Private Eye Issue 1622
In This Issue
Post Office bosses 'had no idea they worked at the Post Office'… Springwatch: Rwanda edition… Calls for Nurseryland smacking ban… United States finally agrees to enter world war… House price warning over WW3… Lines written on the recent developments in Police Scotland's Operation Branchform… World's first underwater ironyometer explosion… Death found not guilty of OJ Simpson death… Liz Truss's diary, as told to Craig Brown

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Tory darling
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Broken records
Why the Post Office seems to have learnt nothing

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