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Old Nick Knackered
Satanic Panic, Issue 1452
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GROCER INDECENCY? Ravings about former prime minister Sir Edward Heath have now even appeared in the official journal of the European Psychiatric Association
INSPECTOR Knacker has paid a reported £100,000 each to former army chief Lord Bramall and to Lady Brittan, widow of former home secretary Lord Brittan, to atone for the Met’s bungled £2.5m investigation into an alleged Westminster paedophile ring, based on the sole evidence of a complainant known as “Nick” – whom retired judge Sir Richard Henriques found to be a fantasist (see Eyes passim).

Meanwhile, however, former prime minister Sir Edward “Grocer” Heath still stands accused of being part of a Satanic cult which ritually sacrificed 16 babies and children, allegations being investigated by Wiltshire Police’s Operation Conifer. The notion of Grocer Heath as a murderous Satanic paedophile has been freely bandied around the Internet, not least by David Icke. But these ravings are now turning up in more apparently respectable forums.

‘Satanist Cult of Ted Heath’
The Eye has been alerted to an article that appeared last year in the peer-reviewed European Psychiatry, the official journal of the European Psychiatric Association, titled “The Satanist Cult of Ted Heath: Ethical Implications of Authority Compromise”. It was based on a conference paper delivered at the 24th European Congress of Psychiatry in Madrid by Dr Rainer Kurz, a chartered occupational psychologist.

Kurz states the Satanic Grocer scenario as fact to an audience of mainstream psychiatrists and in a peer-reviewed journal – which makes one wonder what respect his peers have for corroborative evidence.

The main source he cites is an Essex body-builder called Chris Spivey, who also believes that the murder of Lee Rigby was a government-organised hoax. Of Spivey’s online post naming 235 supposed members of Heath’s satanic cult, Kurz writes: “No indications were found that would throw the veracity of the document into doubt.” Worthy of Inspector Knacker himself, who announced that “Nick’s” stories were “credible and true” – before they turned out to be, er, nothing of the sort.

More top stories in the latest issue:

POLL AXED
More embarrassment for Commonwealth secretary-general Baroness Scotland as the Kenyan presidential poll is declared null and void after ‘irregularities’.

REVENGE TRAGEDY
Why unlovely Old Etonian jailbird Darius Guppy is trying to extract cash from the recently-widowed wife of the chief prosecution witness at his 1993 trial.

SHIPPING FORECAST
Cyber warfare can’t be ruled out after another US ship based at Japan’s Yokosuka Naval Base is involved in a collision – the fourth in a year.

NAME AND SHAME
Telecoms and utility firm Unicom, fined £200,000 by Ofcom for mis-selling, may have changed its name to Verastar, but the complaints keep coming.

ROCK OF WAGES?
The ‘local’ business interests of Mark Simpson, new recruit to the Dartmoor National Park Authority, appear to be owned miles away in, er… Gibraltar.

DREAD ARROWS
With a Middle East tour looming, the RAF’s Red Arrows display team is set to fly into a political storm as it is used to help drum up trade deals.

BREXIT BALLS
Investments in Britain by Japanese companies since the Brexit vote fall short of delivering the free market nirvana of which Leavers dream.

COURT CIRCULAR
Members of Team Brian are scratching their heads about how to rehabilitate Prince Charles with the public after this summer’s big Diana love-in.

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Next issue on sale: 19th September 2017.
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Fleet Street Joy That New Royal Baby Supplement Is on the Way… Remainers Optimistic Brexit Will Never Happen Due to Nuclear War… Relief as Hurricane Diana Finally Recedes… Isis Welcomes Driverless Trucks… Parents Furious as St Cakes Found Not Cheating at Exams… Me and My Spoon with John Humphrys… Why Didn’t Flood Victims Have Guns? Asks National Rifle Association… Trinny Woodall’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Odd fellow: Arron Banks tells voters to join the Tory party!
- Cashscroft’s back:
Tory peer digs deep for Dave’s successor
- Dread Arrows:
RAF team flies into a political storm

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Private Eye Issue 1451