Great news, sick people! The school sanatorium is going to be open seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, three-hundred-and-sixty-five days a year, ten years a decade.
Yes, I’m serious about this and the Bursar has promised to find £8 billion to make sure that this happens. The only slight fly in the ointment (prescription charge: £15 a pot, no concessions, sorry), is that Matron is threatening to go on strike, as for some reason she considers it unreasonable to be told to work longer hours for less pay. Come on, Matron, it’s not the 1970s, you know – shape up, or I’ll set Mr Cunt on you.
(Subs, please get Jeremy’s name right. We don’t want to spend the next 5 years, apologising to parents for the unfortunate typo that somehow keeps slipping through the net. D.C.)