Issue 1504
commentatorballs “Play has stopped for rain and the battens have been hatched”
JIM MAXWELL
Radio 4

“The reality really couldn’t be further from the truth”
Naomi Smith
LBC

“Lucy Bronze says she’s ecstatic and super-humbled after becoming the first English player, male or female, to be named Uefa Women’s Player of the Year”
JACQUI OATLEY
Radio 4

“He’ll be licking his tongue there”
MARK CHAPMAN
Radio 5 Live

“Make sure that you get back up one more time than you have been knocked down”
MICHAEL HOLDING
Sky Sports

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Private Eye Issue 1504
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African Union in Crisis Talks Over Fears for UK Democracy… God Warned Not to Intervene in Brexit Debate… What Happens Next? Dominic Cummings’ Masterplan to Sack All MPs… Ruth Davidson Quits Over Baby PM Who Throws Toys Out of Pram… Establishment Photo of Prince Andrew on Balcony ‘Clearly a Fake’… Shortage of Civilians to Slaughter Leaves Yemen on the Brink…

Gnomemart
End-of-summer madness!

P is for Paxman
Craig Brown’s Diary

Who knew what?
HS2 covers its tracks

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Private Eye Issue 1503