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Issue 1687

John Bishop: How many air fryers are estimated to be owned by households across the UK?
Audience member: 7 billion.

Bishop: How many unread emails does the average person have in their inbox?
Audience member: 37,000.

Bishop: What was the average price of a used car in the UK at the end of 2025?
Audience member: £45,000.

Bishop: On average, how many cups of tea are drunk per month by an adult in the UK?
Contestant: One.

gnitty
Please email your entries to dumb@private-eye.co.uk

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In This Issue

Relief for royal family as paedo scandal breaks... Israeli Ironyometer reduced to rubble... Crypto fraud sparks crypto fraud panic... ‘Stop these puerile jokes!’ says lettuce... Conspiracy update: Star Trek demise special... A doctorbot writes... Trump ends war shock... Celebrity not accused of sex crimes... Peter Hitchens: How to..., as told to Craig Brown

Riot pact
Is Marine Le Pen on her way to power in France?

Budget smugglers
Labour’s fiscal sleight of hand

Daddy issues
The Daily Mail’s Thomas Markle problem

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