COLUMNISTS
Issue 1657
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "As the world continues to warm, academics are warning that producing enough food to feed the global human population is becoming so difficult that food prices are rising due to shortages created by droughts and heatwaves, and therefore contributing to 'climateflation' (where the cost of living is increased by climate change). But, as readers of this column will be aware, the British government is showing no sign of listening…"
medicine balls
With MD: "The biggest mystery of the trial of Lucy Letby is why her defence chose not to call its expert witnesses to the stand – and MD may have the answer. In trials reliant on complex expert evidence, both sides may agree to a joint pre-trial meeting of experts, to identify points of agreement and disagreement, record reasons for disagreement and produce a joint signed report to be served on the court…"
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "Richard Branson has donned rose-tinted specs as Virgin presses for consent to compete against Eurostar. 'Virgin is driven by the urge to fix businesses that aren't working', ran the headline on Branson's recent Times comment piece, which explained how Virgin had 'transformed rail' by introducing tilting trains, trebling services, boosting passenger numbers and topping satisfaction surveys. He didn't mention…"
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "For the umpteenth time since a Leeds University student was murdered in Perugia 17 years ago, her family is again enduring clickbait pieces, reeking of ChatGPT research, asking: 'Who killed Meredith Kercher?' The cue is The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox, an eight-part drama based on the memoir of Kercher's roommate, an American student, who was convicted (along with two others) of the murder of Kercher, jailed, was cleared on appeal, saw the acquittal repealed then reinstated before eventual final exoneration…"
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O'Boulez: "Even if there's a slowing in the decline of students taking arts subjects at school, it's still a decline. Candidates for A-level music this year declined by a further 1.4 percent, falling to almost half the figure for 2010 when the Ebacc was introduced. As Eye readers will know, Ebacc devalues music to the point where many state schools no longer teach it…"
in the city
With Slicker: "Rising stock market lifts all boats but raises highest those on yachts. The super-rich have more of their wealth linked to shares, so the post-Covid stock market boom has fuelled even greater inequality. Growth may be missing from the UK economy, but stock markets hit record closing highs last month. The FTSE 100 index is up 11 percent this year and 26 percent over the past three years..."
eye world
Letter from Laayoune
From Our Own Correspondent: "Irony is strangling our century-long quest for a Western Sahara free of occupation. First irony: as London and Paris scuttle after Madrid in recognition of Palestine, they underwrite Morocco's 1976 takeover of our country following the death of General Franco and colonial Spain's sudden withdrawal. Second irony: the UN process to enable our self-determination is steered by a so-called Group of Friends…"
To read all these columnists and more in full, get the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 18th September 2025
gnitty
MORE TOP STORIES ONLINE
Keir kicker
Keir kicker
Starmer's unlikely new hire
Street Of Shame, Issue 1655
Spitting Hoyle
Spitting Hoyle
Who riled the speaker?
HP Sauce, Issue 1649
Father issues
Father issues
Justin Welby's poor choice of friends
In The Back, Issue 1656
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1657
In This Issue
'We want women to feel safer on the streets' says extremely scary mob… New Washington Ironyometer ironically not up to irony job... Conspiracy update: Cracker barrel special… Lives of the saints: St Lucy of Connolly… Reform Taliban controversy… Daily Mail hails 'politician who gets it'… Nurseryland to crack down on antisocial music… 'How accurate is the Daily Telegraph?' asks King and Conqueror… My summer holiday, as told to Craig Brown

Virgin's miracle
Branson's rail record has been rewritten

Carnal relations
Guess who's chasing clicks with tales of incest…

Don Peron?
Trump's love of state interference

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.99
SUBSCRIBE HERE
NEXT ISSUE ON SALE
18th September 2025
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
Private Eye Issue 1656
ALSO AVAILABLE ONLINE