Prime Minister's Question Time
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1505
PM's Questions

Q: How brilliantly well are your negotiations with the EU going, to bring back an excellent new deal that will unite this country again and usher in a new Golden Age comparable to that of Pericles, Elizabeth the First and Sir Winston Churchill?

Good question, Mr Ian Sertname-Here. Beautifully put too. But yes! Now you come to mention it, the negotiations are going full steam ahead, the ice floes are cracking, there is movement under the keel.

There’s a groaning of the rivets and, if I can just take this nautical metaphor on, the good ship Britanic is no longer hurtling towards the iceberg of Brexit doom, but sailing happily towards a new future of trading with New York in record time.

There may be water round our ankles, the quartet may be playing “Abide With Me, Madam” and there may not be enough lifeboats for us all, but rest assured there are enough for me and my chums. Women and children last! Particularly if you can’t remember how many you’ve had and how many you’ve got. I trust that answers your question.

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Private Eye Issue 1505
In This Issue
Record Number of Migrants Cross Channel to Flee Chaotic Nation on Brink of Dictatorship… Internet ‘Too Slow’ to Keep Up With UK Brexit News… Emily Thornberry’s Cut-Out-’N’-Keep Guide to Labour’s Brexit Plan… Lib Dems ‘a Proper Political Party’ Now They’re Split On Revoking Article 50 Without a Referendum… Joyful Middle East Women Mark Launch of ‘The Testaments’ in All-Black Versions of the Handmaid’s Costume… ‘Why Won’t Ghastly, Callous Meghan Let Me Meet Baby Archie?’ Asks Thomas Markle… Liz Jones: My Cultural Highlights, as told to Craig Brown

After Bercow
Battle for the speaker’s chair

‘No deal’ army
The navy and RAF are on call too!

Borismania?
The PM’s many female Facebook fans

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Private Eye Issue 1504