Prime Minister's Question Time
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1507
PM's Questions
… Next question is from Liza Plenty who asks:

No one’s remotely interested in the Arcuri affair and what you did or didn’t get up to on that pole. Could you tell us about your far more exciting plans to increase the living wage?

Well put and quite right, Liza. First, there was no Arcuri affair, because we didn’t have an affair, as she made clear by blushing hotly and refusing to deny it seven times on breakfast telly.

Secondly, I can’t talk about the pole because it’s all confidential and I’ve filed my letter of evidence to the Greater London Complaints Thingy absolutely on time, even though it was late because I was at a very liquid book launch for a fellow OE, good old Charlie Moore with his excellent biog about the great Mrs T (who always liked me, particularly in her gaga years).

Where was I? As you so acutely put it, the only thing anyone’s thinking about is the radical programme, as outlined in the old Queenie’s Speech, of throwing money at everybody, in the hope they’ll vote for us. Hospitals? Bosh! Police? Dosh! Schools? Nosh! Our policies? Tosh!

Next!... 

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Private Eye Issue 1506