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Deal or no deal
Commons shenanigans, Issue 1649

the-speaker.jpg SPEAKER Sir Lindsay Hoyle hit the roof when the government tried wriggling out of a Commons statement on the US trade deal. With Donald Trump having let news of a deal slip overnight, Hoyle granted an urgent question to shadow trade secretary Andrew Griffith, which was set for 10:30am.

Downing Street was horrified, fearing the urgent question would pre-empt Trump's Oval Office press conference, which was planned for 10am Washington time (3pm in London).

Also, the prime minister was expected in the Commons at 11am to process to the VE Day service at Westminster Abbey. The PM did not fancy being in the chamber if MPs were kicking up rough about a half-baked deal. Hoyle was thus told to abandon the urgent question as trade minister Douglas Alexander was "going to do an afternoon statement".

Late review
Then Trump's presser started an hour late, at 4pm, and the US president said many of the "great" deal's details were not yet fully agreed. Downing Street, fearing its news management was unravelling, told whips to forget about any Commons statement. But that was not in their power because Hoyle had only scrapped the Tories' urgent question on the whips' promise of a statement.

By 4:15pm, with still no sign of Alexander, Northern Irish MPs asked what was going on. "We have planes to catch," said Strangford's Jim Shannon.

Deputy speaker Judith Cummins admitted she hadn't a clue. The sitting was suspended. Ministerial aides told Labour MPs, including business and trade committee chairman Liam Byrne, to go home for the weekend because the statement was being scrapped. Hoyle, on hearing this, erupted at the whips.

Alexander grates
It was ten past five when Alexander reappeared at the despatch box and blithely suggested that the statement be postponed until the Monday. Hoyle roared that this was most certainly not an option and told Alexander to make a statement there and now, even though the day's adjournment debate had already been held.

The minister reluctantly did as told, initially with only two Labour backbenchers in attendance. It was glaringly obvious that the intention had been to duck out of the promised statement, for no copy of the statement had been placed with the table office.

After further bollockings from a steaming Hoyle, Alexander admitted: "There has been some confusion within government as to the best way to proceed."

To read all these stories in full, please buy issue 1649 of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 29th May 2025
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More top stories in the latest issue:

KEIR REVIEW
After Labour's local election collapse, some in Team Starmer floated the idea of sacking two cabinet ministers who are more popular than their leader.

AFTER LEONARDO
After the local elections Keir Starmer retreated to his happy place – an arms factory – but not everyone is as keen as he is on Italian company Leonardo.

SABOTAGING REFORM
Visitors to the old Brexit Party website are greeted with a list of gambling sites that avoid a service allowing people to be excluded from gambling websites.

CALLED TO ORDURE
Claws were bared in the House of Lords when peers discussed whether tenants in rented housing should have the right to keep a pet.

INSIDER JOB
Samantha Jones's appointment as the health department's permanent secretary suggests public money will find its way to US and private equity-owned firms.

MAN OF THE MATCH
Oliver Dowden MP has been talking up football investment, not long after a trip to San Diego worth £12,000, courtesy of Tory donor Mohamed Mansour.

MUTUAL GOALS
For a supposedly independent regulator of English football, the selection of David Kogan as the government's preferred choice looks a touch partisan.

BRUSSELS SPROUTS
Having flogged €1.4bn worth of "golden" EU passports in the past 10 years, Malta is in a spot of bother with the European Court of Justice.

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