Private Eye Mediaballs

Issue 1628

"Phil Foden is back in the squad after the birth of his partner midweek"?

"Wanting the ball when you don't want it is a sign of a top player"?

"We saw him before; we just hadn't seen him with our eyes"?

"You can't criticise France in the second half – they've just failed to deliver"

"In the early stages of the match, opponents have to feel each other up"

gnitty
Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.

Top Stories

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In The Back

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ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE

In This Issue

Election Night TV: What you missed… Liz Truss writes exclusively on why the Tories lost the election… Rats in sack disagree over best way forward… Why can't Labour just admit it lost the election, by Owen Jones… Those amusing notes left on the desk by outgoing Conservative ministers to welcome their Labour replacements, in full… Conspiracy update: Trump assassination attempt special… Gnomemart sale: Armchair conspiracy theorist armchair … Great speeches of our time No 94: Ex-president Trump on Nato… Giles Brandreth: my 9 secrets of happiness, as told to Craig Brown.

Letby lessons
MD reviews the evidence on medical experts and fair trials

Holy Ghosting
Seven years and counting for CofE review on sadist Smyth

Starmersexuality!
Fleet Street's finest get hot under the collar

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