Issue 1565
dumb britain Michael McIntyre's The Wheel, BBC1
McIntyre: The category is food. I am looking for any green fruit or vegetable.
Big Narstie: Orange.


Celebrity Weakest Link, BBC1
Romesh Ranganathan: 'Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your...' what?
Gemma Cairney: Heads.

Ranganathan: What is 7 times 7?
Dick (of Dick and Dom): 14.

Ranganathan: In 1966 which politician became the first female prime minister of India?
Jenni Falconer: Margaret Thatcher.

Ranganathan: How many beds in a twin hotel room?
Gemma Collins: One.
Ranganathan: Was there any part of you that thought 'twin' might have something to do with it?
Collins: I only stay in suites and penthouses.


Christmas University Challenge, BBC2
Jeremy Paxman: Name the composer of this piece. [Piano music plays]
Jackie Clune: Bobby Crush.
Peter White: Winifred Atwell.
Paxman: No, it was Robert Schumann.


gnitty
Please email your entries to dumb@private-eye.co.uk

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Private Eye Issue 1565
In This Issue
New from Gnome Heritage: The Royal Platinum Jubilee Sex Assault Trial Commemorative Plate… Covid-19 confident the Tories are ‘just about over’… Government’s launches well-thought out plan of knee-jerk policies to save Prime Minister… BBC call for public to stop funding Nadine Dorries… Couple called Ant and Dec go home with lots of money after blockbuster gameshow Limitless Win launches… HS2 archaeologists uncover remains of ‘largest white elephant ever’… Kate at Phwooarty! –Exclusive to all newspapers… Piers Corbyn: An A-Z of what they don’t want you to know, as told to Craig Brown

Hari’s back
The great deceiver writes a book

Peter’s friend
Slicker on Mandelson and Jeffrey Epstein

Nad tidings
Nadine Dorries goes on manoeuvres

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Private Eye Issue 1564
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