Prime Minister's Questions
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1545
fb fb-boris fb like PM's Questions (THE PRIME MINISTER APPROACHES THE BRAND NEW MEGABUKZ MICROPHONE [2.7 MILLION ROUBLES] IN THE BRAND NEW DOWNING STREET MEDIA SUITE.)

Boris: Right, testing, testing, testing… tracing, tracing, tracing… hahaha! Is this microphone working?

PM's Official Spokesperson: Unfortunately yes.

Boris: How Presidential do I look?

PM's Official Spokesperson: Very. Half-Trump, half-Putin.

Boris: OK, you have a go then, Allegra, see how good you are. Read out that statement about the woman we don't mention.

PM's Official Spokesperson: Your wife?

Boris: No, the other one.

PM's Official Spokesperson: Oh give us a clue! We could be here all day.

Boris: Jennifer Arcuri.

PM's Official Spokesperson: I thought we weren't supposed to mention her.

Boris: Just read it out.

PM's Official Spokesperson: The Prime Minister acts with integrity and… haha, no, I can't do it… OK, serious face. The Prime Minister acts with honesty and… no, hahahahaha… too funny!

Boris: Oh come on Allegra, do it for me. Think serious thoughts. 100 grand a year, that kind of thing.

PM's Official Spokesperson: The Prime Minister acts with integrity and honesty. Yes! Done it!

Boris: I knew you could do it. That's why I chose a woman. Just lie back… well, lie - and think of England.

PM's Official Spokesperson: And Scotland and Wales. And Northern Ireland obviously. Though probs best not to mention them…

Boris: Right, rehearsal over! Let's wheel out the boffins, bring in the rat-pack and the odd on-screen prole – and let the circus begin.

To read more from Prime Minister's Questions in full, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 28th April 2021
gnitty
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1545
In This Issue
That Prince Philip Coverage in Full… Police learn lessons of relaxed and restrained policing as kiddies and old ladies mass outside Windsor Castle to lay flowers… Backwards island that worshipped Philip as a living god plunged into grief… Post-lockdown fears rise of long dull Covid anecdotes as people meet again at the pub… Government fully backs and totally opposes introduction of vaccine passports… Education secretary Gavin Williamson ‘constantly disrupting lessons with stupid announcements’ say mobile phones… Alan Duncan’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Prince Phil Space
So. Farewell then the Duke of Edinburgh…

Lex maniacs
The hacks who talked up the failed financier

Split breaches
Sunak, Hancock and the ministerial code

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.00
SUBSCRIBE HERE
NEXT ISSUE ON SALE
28th April 2021
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
Private Eye Issue 1544
ALSO AVAILABLE ONLINE