The Totally Secure Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1658
Members Only, Issue 1658
Welcome back, Cabinet
2.0. The re-reboot of the
re-reset starts today.
Morgan McSweeney
We’ve turned what could have been a disaster into an opportunity.
We’ve turned what could have been a disaster into an opportunity.
Darren Jones
It’s certainly an opportunity for me! Thanks, boss, for making me Chief Secretary to the Prime Minister and Chancellor.
It’s certainly an opportunity for me! Thanks, boss, for making me Chief Secretary to the Prime Minister and Chancellor.
Rachel Reeves
It’s Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, Darren!
It’s Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, Darren!
Darren Jones
Yes, of course. Or ‘Chancellor’ for short.
Yes, of course. Or ‘Chancellor’ for short.
Rachel Reeves
I’m still Chancellor. I’m still in charge of the economy.
I’m still Chancellor. I’m still in charge of the economy.
Pat McFadden
I wouldn’t shout about that if I were you!
I wouldn’t shout about that if I were you!
Is everyone clear about
what their new jobs are?
David Lammy
Absolutely, Keir. What does the Deputy Prime Minister do again?
Absolutely, Keir. What does the Deputy Prime Minister do again?
Darren Jones
A bit of DJ-ing in Ibiza, a bit of property speculation, a bit of vaping in a dinghy – you’ll get the hang of it.
A bit of DJ-ing in Ibiza, a bit of property speculation, a bit of vaping in a dinghy – you’ll get the hang of it.
Angela Rayner
Fook off, Darren, you sycophantic twat! I haven’t been removed yet.
Fook off, Darren, you sycophantic twat! I haven’t been removed yet.
Shabana Mahmood
Yes, you have! I’m removing everyone – and you’d better believe it.
Yes, you have! I’m removing everyone – and you’d better believe it.
Angela Rayner has been removed
from the WhatsApp group and
been sent back to where she came
from. Up North. Or possibly Hove,
depending on legal advice.
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Next issue on sale: 16th October 2025
Next issue on sale: 16th October 2025
