The New Prime Minister’s Highly Confidential WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1621
PM's WhatsApp Group
Hi, guys! Have you seen the latest poll? The Conservative Party could end up with 100 seats.
James Forsyth
That many? See, we’ve turned the corner.
Hahahaha!
James Forsyth
I thought we agreed you weren’t going to do any more laughing, boss. People don’t like it.
Hahahaha!
James Forsyth
That local radio tour didn’t play exactly as we hoped. There are some pretty tough interviewers out there on Radio Wakey Wakey Wakefield and the Radio Tees Tea-Time Show.
James Forsyth
Kevin Nice and Sally Sweetie gave you a real roasting. We should have vetted the questions. Who’d have thought they’d ask when the election was going to be?
Penny Mordaunt
Well, when is it going to be?
Hahahaha!
James Forsyth
Boss! You’re not listening!
Oliver Dowden
That’s what Kevin Nice said.
Enough bants, team. I’ll call an election when things have started improving.
Oliver Dowden
Hahahahahaha!
Jeremy Hunt
On that point, boss, we appear to be in recession, which technically means we have negative growth, which technically means that we’ve failed on one of your pledges.
Michael Tomlinson
Make that two. The number of small boat migrants has just hit a record 5,000!
Who are you?
Michael Tomlinson
I’m the Illegal Migration Minister.
Shouldn’t we have one who’s legal?
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