Prime Minister's Whatsapp Group Chat
Members Only, Strictly Confidential, Issue 1574
Members Only, Strictly Confidential, Issue 1574
Douze points for moi! Terrific victory in the Eurosceptics Song Contest.
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Oh most amusing, Prime Minister!
Oh most amusing, Prime Minister!
Merci buckets, Creepie!
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Oh, please desist, Prime Minister, my sides are bursting with Eurovision mirth!
Oh, please desist, Prime Minister, my sides are bursting with Eurovision mirth!
The fact is everyone loves Britain again, ie they all love me. Nul points is history, thanks to my Churchillian shtick of telling Comrade Zelensky how marvellous I am.
Rishi Sunak
Ukraine had better win the war, Prime Minister, or else, as runners-up, we’ll have to host next year’s Eurovision and there’s no way we can afford it. The energy bills for the light show alone would sink us.
Ukraine had better win the war, Prime Minister, or else, as runners-up, we’ll have to host next year’s Eurovision and there’s no way we can afford it. The energy bills for the light show alone would sink us.
Gadzooks, you don’t mean to say that all those Euro johnnies voted for us in the hope that we’d get lumbered with the bill for next year? I thought there was something fishy going on, because, frankly, the long-haired beardie warbling that song was a bit of a waste of Spaceman!
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Ouch! My ribs have been critically overtickled! At this rate, I’m going to need an ambulance.
Ouch! My ribs have been critically overtickled! At this rate, I’m going to need an ambulance.
Sajid Javid
Good luck with that!
Good luck with that!
Guto Harri
Back to the agenda.
Back to the agenda.
Do we have one? First I’ve heard of it. Can’t we just do it all off the cuff? The Bozzman flies by the seat of his pants, like Maverick in Top Gun!
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Oh you’re so like him! And I’m your wingman.
Oh you’re so like him! And I’m your wingman.
Have you seen the film, Creepie?
Jacob Rees-Mogg
No. But I’ve been briefed by my SPAD and he told me it’s all about flying machines.
No. But I’ve been briefed by my SPAD and he told me it’s all about flying machines.
Guto Harri
I’m serious. Inflation’s hit a new record, there’s a Cost of Living crisis and the Northern Ireland protocol is unravelling.
I’m serious. Inflation’s hit a new record, there’s a Cost of Living crisis and the Northern Ireland protocol is unravelling.
Is that bad? Feels great to me. I love a bit of chaos. Or quite a lot of chaos really. In fact, my Chaos Theory is that if everything’s in chaos, chances are something will go right.
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Next issue on sale: 13th July 2022
Next issue on sale: 13th July 2022
