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ABERDEEN ANGER
As Kamal Ahmed leaves the BBC, mystery still surrounds the £12,000 speaking gig with investment firm Aberdeen Standard that trashed his reputation.

BADLY WITHDRAWN
“I'll clap when the NHS is funded properly,” tweeted 1990s pop star Badly Drawn Boy recently – forgetting his history of NHS-depriving tax avoidance.

FAKE VIEWS
Jeremy Clarkson rewrites the findings of the Leveson inquiry during a recent episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

ARTS NEWS
Actor and art collector Russell Tovey has been appointed a judge for this year's Turner Prize – and nominees had better hope they haven't upset him!

ANTI-SOCIAL MEDIA
Will new CEO Andy Jassy usher in a kinder, gentler post-Bezos Amazon? It seems unlikely, given his track record at Amazon Web Services.

PLUS: Dumb Britain, Ad Nauseam, Desperate Valentines & more.

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ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE

In This Issue

WHO experts given unfettered access to cells which held whistleblowing doctors dismiss Chinese coronavirus lab theory… NHS Titanic captain announces ambitious plan to restructure deckchair facilities… Excitement grows over Boris Burrow to Northern Ireland that will never be built… Shellfish trade vanishes from UK ports – along with any sign of Nigel Farage crowing about Brexit… Spotify, Apple and Amazon release revolutionary new “Just Going for a Walk Without Listening to Another Celebrity Podcast” product… Government commits extra £3.5bn for “protective shield” against claims it did nothing to remove dangerous cladding… Snow, ice and freezing temperatures leave millions stuck under the duvet.

Knuckle down!
At home with Princess Anne (and Craig Brown)

Cap'n Bob is back
Look who's resurfaced in the Eye

Vandemic update
White Van Man delivers lessons for all

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