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The All-New 'Time For A Change' Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1632

Angela Rayner
Happy birthday, Keir!

No, it isn’t. Now is not a time for happiness. There may be happiness in the future, but in the short term we have to be realistic about the black hole of unhappiness that we’ve inherited from the previous government.

Angela Rayner
Oh come on, Sir Killjoy, let’s get this party started! I’ve got a cake and vodka shots! And I haven’t slept since Friday! Whoop-whoop-whooooooo!

Morgan McSweeney
She may have a point, boss. I think we may be overdoing the doom and gloom.

Sue Gray
I disagree. I’m very happy with doom and gloom.

Morgan McSweeney
Well, I think the doom and gloom may backfire on us.Darren Jones That’s a bit pessimistic! Bit gloomy, Morgan. And doomy!

Angela Rayner
So I should cancel the DJ, then?

Correct. The fun stops here. It’s back to work, back to school, the end of the holidays.

Not that I had one.

Pat McFadden
Oh, I don’t know – you went to Balmoral for the weekend.

Exactly. You think I’m gloomy? Try spending a weekend with King Charles.

Wes Streeting
How did Camilla take it when you told her not to smoke in the garden?

Darren Jones
Bet she was fuming!

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In This Issue

Ten ants come out in defence of Labour MP landlord… Grenfell fire: how did the truth spread so slowly? … Boris Johnson on standards in public life… Feuding brothers in ticket nightmare… That Biasserson Report into BBC bias – conclusions in full… Music tells Trump: ‘Please stop using me!’… The columnist who understands what Donald Trump is saying… Exclusive to all newspapers: don’t over-hype hunky Jack like people did with gorgeous Emma… Lady Pamela Hicks: one’s rules for life, as told to Craig Brown

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In-depth reaction to the Grenfell inquiry report

An Ilford wind
The rogue landlord who also happens to be an MP

Class action
The Telegraph’s very sane response to the private school VAT move

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