The People’s Prime Minister answers your People’s Questions
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1519
PM's Questions
Address to the Nation from the People’s Wartime Prime Minister, Winston Boris de Pfeffel Churchson

Prime Minister: Greetings! And let me introduce straightaway the two experts who are going to help me in this the greatest challenge in our nation’s history, namely making me look as though I know what I’m doing. To my right is Boffin A, Professor Whitty.

Vallance: Actually, I’m Sir Patrick Vallance.

Prime Minister: Ah right, or to give you your full title, Boffin B. Detail not my strong point. Except now of course, when it is. But let me reassure the good people of Britain and their loved ones, who may or may not have died yet, that this is not the darkest hour.

Whitty: I think it might be, actually.

Prime Minister: Ah, Boffin B!

Whitty: No, I’m Boffin A.

Prime Minister: I’m boffin’ everyone! Just a little joke there to lighten the mood. Laughter is the best medicine – well, the only medicine at the moment. First question, from Laura Koronaberg, from the BBC.

Koronaberg: Actually I’m from my house.

Prime Minister: Yes, good old BBC, broadcasting to the nation in its time of need. Vital national service. Always liked it. What would we do without it? Your question, Lara?

Koronaberg: Are you sending out mixed messages?

Prime Minister: Yes and no. For example, it’s very important for the British people to come together, and then keep their distance. It’s very important for everyone to get out into the fresh air, whilst staying safely indoors. It’s vital that old people can go to the supermarket at a set time, and equally important that they get someone else to do the shopping for them while they remain at home and don’t open the door to anyone, even if they’re carrying food!

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Next issue on sale: 22nd April 2020
Private Eye Issue 1519
In This Issue
Crisis brings out true national spirit as Brits grass up neighbours to police… Stable Door Strategy slammed by World Horse Organisation… Britain now completely socialist, says a victorious Jeremy Corbyn… World King Cnut rethinks how long it will take to turn back tide… Love in the Time of Corona, a Sylvie Krin Royal Special… Police Urge Archers Fans not to Drive to Borsetshire… Nightmare for virus as it tests positive for Weinstein.

Banks a million
Slicker on Rishi’s bailout

Horizon scandal
Six-page special on the Post Office pariahs

Posh tosh
Julian Fellowes’ Belgravia

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22nd April 2020
Private Eye Issue 1518