COLUMNISTS
Issue 1638
pandemic update
With M.D.: "The Covid-19 inquiry has such broad terms of reference that its £208m-worth of conclusions may not arrive before the next pandemic. Is it worth the money? The stand-out moment has been Dr Kevin Fong's reminder of how real the harm from the virus was, and how far frontline workers were prepared to go to help others, even when it put themselves and their families at risk. They were at times poorly protected; and overall the UK was poorly prepared…"
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "The intensity of farmers' objection to making farmland subject to inheritance tax (IHT) has taken the government by surprise. Keir Starmer has now met National Farmers' Union (NFU) president Tom Bradshaw to discuss the issue, and the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs secretary, Steve Reed, has even been offering advice to farmers on the best way to get round the tax chancellor Rachel Reeves has just imposed on them…"
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "Despite its new motto of 'move fast and fix things', the Department for Transport still hasn't moved to rid the ticketing system of the rubbish left behind by franchisees to simplify rail fares – as ministers have been promising for a mere 17 years! Commendably, if belatedly, the department has stopped managers at its miserable Northern train firm prosecuting young people over a Byzantine railcard rule…"
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "The two dozen seasons of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! have featured many notorious political figures doing public penance by chewing on wallaby prostate washed down with dingo jism. You could build a cabinet sub-committee – though not one you'd want to run a country – from Matt Hancock, Edwina Currie, Nigel Farage, Nadine Dorries, Lembit Öpik, Robert Kilroy-Silk and Kezia Dugdale…"
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "Three events last month highlighted the government's failure to acknowledge the costs of its energy policy. First, there was that week-long period of Dunkelflaute (German for dark doldrums, ie very little sun, wind or renewable electricity) when Europe's power grids turned urgently to fossil-fuel backup: gas-fired electricity in the UK; coal and, worst of all, lignite in Germany…"
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O'Boulez: "Much hype accompanied the recent announcement of English National Opera's programme for 2025-2027. CEO Jenny Mollica said it 'couldn't be more clear' that its enforced new home in Manchester was 'the right place to put down roots'. Arts Council boss Darren Henley claimed the plans were 'electrifying in scale, scope and ambition'…"
in the city
With Slicker: "The Fayed feeding frenzy moved into overdrive with news that the Metropolitan Police is both investigating five suspected facilitators of the predatory phoney pharaoh's long-running sex crimes but also possible corruption behind Scotland Yard's failure to act upon complaints made before the Harrods owner died last year. There could also be an investigation by the police watchdog…"
eye world
Letter from Sindalah
From Our Own Correspondent: "There has been much worried chatter about NEOM, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman ('MBS') Al-Saud's trillion-dollar high-tech post-industrial fantasy in the Saudi Arabian desert. The 'good' news was that in October, Sindalah, an island retreat in the Red Sea and the first part of the project, finally launched. It's not actually complete or open, but as with so much concerning NEOM, reality falls far short of the fantasy…"
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Next issue on sale: 19th December 2024
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Confused mob burns down Greggs… Farmer protests ruined by Mr Toad… Britain's most scenic sewerage treatment works revealed… Labour in assisted dialling turmoil… Ceasefire paves way for 'sustained period of war'… Conspiracy update: Jaguar advert special… Rich nations promise to pretend to pay £240bn… Anniversary of Christmas charity event marred by criticism… Jordan Peterson's Biblical A-Z, as told to Craig Brown

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