The New Prime Minister’s Highly Confidential WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1620
Members Only, Issue 1620
I’m thinking of delaying the election till October.
Oliver Dowden
Perfectly timed for Halloween! Scary strangers coming round knocking on your door, trying to frighten you with their election handouts!
Perfectly timed for Halloween! Scary strangers coming round knocking on your door, trying to frighten you with their election handouts!
It gives us more time to enjoy the Rwanda bounce. I can’t wait for that first flight!
Oliver Dowden
To be honest, there’s more chance of seeing people flying on broomsticks!
To be honest, there’s more chance of seeing people flying on broomsticks!
And a later date will also give us more time to fill up the election war chest.
Frank Hester
Hi fellahs, would you be needing a few million?
Hi fellahs, would you be needing a few million?
James Forsyth
Actually, Frank, the optics on that don’t look good.
Actually, Frank, the optics on that don’t look good.
Frank Hester
What, my company being awarded gazillions in NHS contracts and then me bunging you shedloads of wonga in return?
What, my company being awarded gazillions in NHS contracts and then me bunging you shedloads of wonga in return?
James Forsyth
No, that’s fine. It’s more the racist outburst against Diane Abbott. People are saying we should give your £15 million donations back.
No, that’s fine. It’s more the racist outburst against Diane Abbott. People are saying we should give your £15 million donations back.
What’s the problem? It’s not a lot of money, is it?
James Forsyth
Actually, boss, it is.
Actually, boss, it is.
Jeremy Hunt
Besides, we can’t give money to a racist. It would be unethical!
Besides, we can’t give money to a racist. It would be unethical!
Good point, Jeremy.
Jeremy Hunt
And he might do something terrible with it. Like give it to the Reform Party instead.
And he might do something terrible with it. Like give it to the Reform Party instead.
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Next issue on sale: 8th May 2024
Next issue on sale: 8th May 2024
