The New Prime Minister’s Highly Confidential WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1617
PM's WhatsApp Group
Wow, what a week, eh? Did you see me on telly, with Piers Morgan? He gave me a whole hour of his valuable time! Impressive eh?
Penny Mordaunt
No one watches Piers Morgan on TalkTV, Rishi.
James Forsyth
Phew! Otherwise they’d have seen that toe-curling bit when you bet him £1,000 there’d be migrants on the plane to Rwanda.
Penny Mordaunt
Oh, don’t tell me he fell for the classic Morgan ‘end of the interview’ stunt which then goes viral?
Kemi Badenoch
He certainly did. Hook, line and plonker. Not that I’m happy about that. #secretevilplotters
Hey, come on, guys, that was top bants! Celebrity mates having a little flutter!
James Forsyth
Well, it was a bet on people’s lives, boss. The optics may not be great.
Jeremy Hunt
And £1,000 isn’t a small amount.
Isn’t it? Surely it’s just the price of a pint of bread. Or a loaf of petrol.
Jeremy Hunt
It’s a lot of money to some people. Ordinary people. Poor people. People who aren’t hedge fund managers. Or people who aren’t married to billionaires.
I don’t get it.
Kemi Badenoch
That’s the problem, Rishi. #notsosecretevilplotters.
Jeremy Hunt
£1,000 is twice as much as we’re giving away in tax cuts. We’re meant to be pretending that’s a lot of money.
James Cleverly
Though compared to the batshit 240 million quid we’ve bet on the Rwandan bollocks, it is fuck all.
Oliver Dowden
Can I just point out that our brilliant Home Secretary is not only called Cleverly, but his constituency is BRAINtree! Amusing, no?
James Cleverly
No, you twat. What’s your constituency, Shithole North? Not that the whole of the North isn’t a shithole.
Hey, bantastic bants, guys! Nearly as good as me and the Morganmeister having a lads’ laugh.
To read all of the PM's highly confidential Whatsapp Group Chat, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 28th February 2024
Man overboard
Man overboard
Industrial dispute halts ferry service
In The Back, Issue 1615
Green shots
Green shots
Labour sets fire to its energy pledges
HP Sauce, Issue 1617
Tees truths
Tees truths
Tees Valley report confirms the Eye's coverage
In The Back, Issue 1617
Private Eye Issue 1617
In This Issue
Second huge metaphor fails to leave port… Super Bowl 2024 ruined by American football… That royal illness coverage in full… Memory loss to determine election… Labour launches new ‘blue investment plan'… Rat deserts sinking ship that he sunk… Who or what is Kimchi?… Dental crisis hits Nurseryland… Mystery poet fails to do obvious joke in obituary for Ian Lavender… The Greatest Night in the History of the World (Netflix), as told to Craig Brown.

Tax takes
Slicker on the mythical threat of capital flight

The press's attempts to report royal news with no information

Going postal
Find out who barristers called "a parade of liars"

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.99
28th February 2024
Private Eye Issue 1616