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Members Only, Issue 1660

Yvette Cooper
Breaking news, everyone – the Prime Minister’s resigned!

Wes Streeting
Great! About time!

Ed Miliband
Good riddance! He was a liability!

Yvette Cooper
And hugely unpopular. And he couldn’t get bills through Parliament. And he had no idea how to cut the debt.

Wes Streeting
No one’s going to miss Keir.

Ed Miliband
Net Zero sympathy for Starmer!

Yvette Cooper
I was talking about the Prime Minister of France.

Wes Streeting
I knew that.

Ed Miliband
I did as well.

Wes Streeting
Bants!

Ed Miliband
Net Zero disloyalty from me!

Hi, guys, just dropping in on the chat. I’m in India, flying the flag!

Morgan McSweeney
Because that’s what we all do now. We fly flags.

Ed Miliband
Except the Red one, obviously.

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In This Issue

Trump announces new dawn for Gaz-a-Lago... Can they rebuild Gazza?... Grim Brandreth strikes again... Was Nelson an admiral?... Those eye-catching, conference-pleasing Tory plans in full... The Guardian: 'She's our typo of leader'... Only Murders in the Schedules... James Bond 'fury' as he's ordered to stand down... Prince William visits TARDIS special... My Strictly Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Child's pay
Bono's private equity friends benefit while children's care suffers

Bishops' defence
The C of E can't forgive the media for exposing its crimes

Double standards
Who's criticising the Saudis while chasing their cash?

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