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To read all these stories in full, please buy issue 1563 of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 2nd February 2022
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Top stories in the latest issue:

SWAB SHOP
The UK's supply of Covid tests might be stretched, but Randox Health is so relaxed about its own supply it's selling tests to a corporate discount service.

BULLSHIT IN EXCELSIS
Jacob Rees-Mogg was in full complacent buffoon mode in the Commons, imagining a non-existent Brexit dividend and mangling other statistics.

SEASON OF GIVING
Electoral Commission party donation figures reveal the generosity of both new Tory party treasurer Malik Karim and other new Tory friends.

LAW OF THE BUNGLE
Dominic Raab confidently declared that the police would not be investigating the 2020 Westminster parties – but the Met would be within its rights to do so.

DAYLIGHT ROBBERY
Innovation charity Nesta has bought up the former government "nudge" unit entirely – leading to a healthy windfall for the nudgers-in-chief.

BULLY GIRLS
Home secretary Priti Patel picks a controversial Tory activist for the supposedly independent role of chair at the Gangmasters and Labour Abuse Authority.

CALLED TO ORDURE
Former Labour MP John Mann, now Lord Mann (non-affiliated), tore into his fellow peers in a grand committee debate about management of the upper house.

HOPE & CHARITY
Despite ministers' attempts to find a Charity Commission chair who'd back an "anti-woke agenda", they may have chosen an independent-minded candidate.

SHOW NO AMERSI
Mohamed Amersi, Tory donor and associate of Prince Charles, is expanding his legal threats against those who dare to examine his business dealings.

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1563
In This Issue
Christmas agony continues for young who CAN now spend festive season with families… Christmas parties are fine, but, er, not really – those new Covid rules in full… Say no to NHS waiting list misery with the new DIY Home Operating Theatre from Gnomemart… Labour wants Father Christmas to investigate No 10 parties to find out who was naughty or nice… Jeremy Corbyn sees off Angela to win Sparts Personality of the Year Award again… I’m a Celebrity Squid Game – Eye Christmas TV Viewing Guide… Fury at unsolicited dick pics beamed into homes as England batsmen surrender meekly in the Ashes… Experts agree that sharing a home with Prince Andrew makes Sarah Ferguson the most persecuted female royal in history… A stress-free Christmas Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Late bargains!
Gnome’s world-famous Christmas Giftmart

Cash prizes!
£250 anniversary quiz and £250 bumper crossword

Festive funnies!
Christmas cartoons galore

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