Issue 1554
commentatorballs "He takes first place so far, well over a minute – one minute and one second – faster than Dumoulin"
ROB HATCH
Eurosport

"You can see the expressionless expression on his coach's face"
LEON TAYLOR
BBC red button

"Notoriously bad starters, aren't they, England, in Test series, and yesterday was no different. They got off to a decent start…"
PHIL TUFNELL
BBC2

"I see Wayne Rooney walking over to all the fans, giving them the clap"
CAROLINE BARKER
Sky Sports

"It's visually appealing, especially to the eye"
JONNY BRYAN
Eurosport

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Private Eye Issue 1554
In This Issue
Taliban offer inclusive government of men with all sorts of beards… 'If we'd known he was this useless, we'd have supported him earlier' – Trump voters accept Biden election victory… New 'woke' Taliban express horror at caveman attitudes of West's Incel movement… 'Keep the Geronimo story alive' plead Sun and Guardian… Prince Andrew to vigorously ignore sex abuse charges brought in New York… COP26 minister hails Glasgow eco-convention as last chance for world to call for action before doing nothing… Firms selling rip-off PCR tests must show strong links to Tory party or risk losing their contracts… Teacher assessments a huge success as all agree Gavin Williamson is an A***

Ad blockers
Led by Donkeys and the wrong kind of hate

Pandemic update
MD unmasks the evidence

Electric shocker
Old Sparky on zero carbon bills to come

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Private Eye Issue 1553
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