Prime Minister's Questions
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1534
fb fb-boris fb like PM's Questions

Boris: Sorry, I’m a bit late everyone, just the two and a half hours, I’ve come hotfoot from a very important Quad meeting and I had to get here pronto before any of the others leaked it all. And we have made a crucial decision: to make an announcement before Strictly. We followed the science, looked at the data and what was clear is that the national priority must be to save Strictly – and not let it be overwhelmed by any announcements.

Cummings (off): Get on with it you idiot, Claudia is doing her fringe!

Boris : Yes, right, gotcha. Put on Statesmanlike Serious Face and look earnestly down the camera lens… Now, you know I said last time that the one thing that was never ever ever going to happen, cross my heart and hope to die, was a National Lockdown? Well, there’s been a slight change of plan. As of Thursday there’s going to be a National Lockdown.

So without further ado I’d like to introduce the Boffins, Professors Doomster and Gloomster, who will present a whole series of incomprehensible graphs in the hope that you will switch off and forget that I have done a massive u-turn. Or rather a massive flu-turn. Sorry, no time for jokes – apart from these two.

To read more from Prime Minister's Questions in full, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 15th December 2020
gnitty
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1534
In This Issue
The Three Sage Men Call Off Christmas... Boris Welcomes New President… Lines written on the death of Scotland’s favourite son, Sir Sean Connery … Nursery Times: Cheese Found on Moon… Rebel numbers ‘bolstered’ as Boris Johnson joins ranks… Gnomemart Presents the Po-PPE… James Naughtie over America, as told to Craig Brown

War, war not jaw, jaw
McDonalds cheers on Azerbaijan’s army

Lord Coe’s Running Mate
The athletics chief & the dictator

Chronic problems
More disabled people resort to the courts

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.00
SUBSCRIBE HERE
NEXT ISSUE ON SALE
15th December 2020
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
Private Eye Issue 1533
ALSO AVAILABLE ONLINE