Prime Minister's Question Time
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1530
fb fb-boris fb like PM's Questions (MUSIC: ‘RULE, BRITANNIA!’ PLAYS VERY LOUDLY)

Boris (singing): Rule, Britannia, Britannia rule the waves, apart from the bit in the Channel full of Froggy fishermen and migrants, obviously, Britons never never never shall be slaves, unless you work for Boohoo or Amazon or Deliveroo or Uber or Sports Direct or, in my case, Dominic Cummings. Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the second wave!

(MUSIC SWIFTLY CHANGES TO ‘LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY’)

Boris (singing): Land of Groping Tory!

(MUSIC FADES)

Boris: Whoops! I’m afraid that’s sub judice! But let me first say: It’s great to be back! Everyone’s back at work and by “everyone” I mean virtually no one apart from me. So we’re getting Britain moving, mostly from the bedroom to the kitchen table. But Parliament’s back! Government’s back! I’m back! And Covid’s back! No no, it isn’t. That’s next week’s speech, sorry Dom…

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Private Eye Issue 1530
In This Issue
Doubt over Russian ‘miracle drug’ as Novichok trials prove inconclusive… TV first as ‘Strictly’ experiments with straight couple who don’t end up having sex with each other… Astro-physicists discover massive black hole ‘too big to exist’ in UK finances… Taxpayers to donate half their income seven days a week in Sunak’s new Fork Out to Help Out repayment plan… BBC to curb left-wing satirists who propelled Corbyn to power and denied Tories huge 80-seat majority… Russell Brand: The Big Questions, as told to Craig Brown

Covid update
MD on the search for safety

Davie’s locker
Enemies all round for the new BBC DG

Infected blood
It’s time at last for some answers

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Private Eye Issue 1529
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