The Totally Secure Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1654
PM's WhatsApp Group
Hello, everyone – well, everyone who’s still left, that is.
Darren Jones
But not too far left, obviously!
Are you taking the mickey, Darren. Because you know I won’t stand for it.
Morgan McSweeney
Top ruthlessness, boss. Make sure they don’t know who’s next for the chop. Unless it’s me. Is it me? Are people saying it’s me?
Angela Rayner
Stop being paranoid, McSweeney.
He’s not being paranoid. I’m that tough I could start acting tough with the person who told me to act tough. How tough is that?
I’ve made it absolutely clear that I will not tolerate anyone disagreeing with Government policy.
Alan Campbell
But, as Chief Whip, I have a little problem with that. You see, Government policy at the moment seems to be changing minute by minute. So if an MP is for the benefit cuts or for scrapping the winter fuel allowance, and you then change your mind, should they be disciplined if they don’t also change their mind?
Yvette Cooper
Yes, I’m loyal, Keir. But every time you do a U-turn, I end up looking disloyal for being loyal in the first place. And all those people you’ve sacked, don’t you agree with them now? I’m a bit confused.
You raise a good point, Chief Whip, but now I’m thinking it’s a bad point.
Alan Campbell
Thank you, Prime Minister, I agree. Or do I?
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