St Theresa

A Letter from the Governors
Issue 1498
st theresa.jpg Dear Concerned Stakeholders,

Due to the unforeseen and sudden departure of the Headmistress (who is still packing but assures us she will leave on time, as promised), there is a vacancy for a new Headteacher. We have invited applications from able and qualified candidates, but unfortunately none applied. However, a very large number of current members of staff seem to think they have what it takes to fill Mrs May’s fashionable but sadly ineffective shoes.

As part of a public consultation process, we are printing all of their curricula vitarum (thanks to Mr Rees-Mogg for the classical expertise and for not applying for the job).

To read all the current news from St Theresa, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 23rd July 2019
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Private Eye Issue 1498
In This Issue
Mr Devil and Mr Deepbluesea Now Favourites for Number 10…From Dressed Grab to Fake Booze: That Trump State Banquet in Full… Love Island Contestants Demand Tory Leadership Meat Market is Axed… Headline Writers ‘Addicted to Stories About Michael Gove’s Cocaine Use’… Jeremy Corbyn Sparks Fury by Making People Feel Sorry for Alastair Campbell… China Sends Delegation of Tanks to Meet Protest Leaders… English Football Brought into Disrepute in France by Small Group of Women Giving Displays of Good Sportsmanship… Germaine Greer’s History of Art A-Z, as told to Craig Brown

Spent farce
The millions blown on Brexit

Help the needy
Tory cash crisis latest

Farage horizon
The EU’s far-right at war

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Private Eye Issue 1497