Tweet

"At the moment he's passing all the question marks with flying colours"
RIO FERDINAND, TNT Sport

"He [Casemiro] is not getting younger any more"
PHIL JONES, Radio 5 Live

"That's a sign of the world-class goalkeeper Villa have at their peril"
LEE HENDRIE, Sky Sports

"New cases of blue tongue have been identified on farms in Norfolk... the disease, which is spread by midgets..."
SHAUN PEEL, BBC Look East

"Get the cloud crapping – er, crowd clapping"
ROBBIE MCEWEN, Eurosport

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.