Issue 1626
pandemic update
With M.D.: "Labour, the Lib Dems and the Conservatives have gone hard on manifesto plans to reinvest in primary care, focusing on prevention and early diagnosis, and shifting care closer to home and away from expensive hospitals. But the government has spectacularly failed to deliver the extra 6,000 GPs promised in the 2019 manifesto. There has been a 20 percent real-terms cut in funding per patient for GP practices over the past eight years, with 7 percent fewer ‘whole time equivalent' GPs…"
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "Objections are flooding in to King's Lynn and West Norfolk district council from residents about a planning application to build two mega farms between Methwold and Feltwell, to house 870,000 chickens and 14,000 pigs. But should such applications be down to local planning authorities, or is there a need for a national policy to outlaw such inappropriate ‘farms' in Britain's countryside?…"
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "‘Blyth is unlikely to get its trains before the 2024 election,' the Eye predicted in December 2019 (Eye 1512) as it lamented the dithering and bureaucracy surrounding rail schemes. After the sensational Blyth Valley election result heralded sweeping Tory ‘red wall' gains in 2019, the new train service (using new stations on an existing freight railway) would have symbolised ‘levelling up'…"
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "Viewers of The Leader Interviews: Rishi Sunak – Tonight must have felt bemused that the PM chose to destroy his reputation and any slim electoral victory chances by ducking the D-Day 80 events in France to record this. Of the 24-minute running time, barely half featured Sunak talking to Paul Brand, the rest filled with analysis from Gove, Balls and Bush (journalists Katie and Stephen, rather than politicians Ed and Dubya)…"
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "The wordy Tory manifesto has three full pages of densely packed energy policies, some wonkish in the extreme: ‘We will implement the recommendations of the Winser review.' Does one reader in a million know what that means? (It's about electricity networks. Ed.) Most policies are familiar from existing government programmes, but there are surprises, notably a promised year-on-year reduction in the green levies on energy bills…"
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O'Boulez: "What appears to be a long-simmering battle for supremacy between clergy and musicians has erupted at Aberdeen Cathedral, where bishop Anne Dyer faces a disciplinary tribunal for ‘unbecoming conduct' after a row with her cathedral organist. Arising from changes to the worship structure – which the organist, Chris Cromar, interpreted as undermining the cathedral's musical life – it got nasty when Dyer tried to ban Cromar from the building…"
in the city
With Slicker: "Ever keener to boost its City cred, Labour has joined the Tory campaign to encourage fast-fashion phenomenon Shein to list its shares on the London stock market – all part of the Starmer/Reeves pro-growth, pro-wealth creation election ticket. But Labour would do well to remember the reputed Chinese proverb: be careful what you wish for…"
eye world
Letter from New Delhi
From Our Own Correspondent: "In one parallel universe, Narendra Modi announces himself as the face of history, looking ahead to a third five-year term as India's prime minister – a feat unprecedented in modern times, and just as he had forecast. Back in the real world, his Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) fell short of a majority when our parliamentary election results were announced…"
To read all these columnists and more in full, get the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 1st August 2024
Rachel capers
Rachel capers
Labour's reluctance to make harsh tax changes
Columnists, Issue 1627
Day in the Sun
Day in the Sun
Starmer wooing Murdoch's paper
Street Of Shame, Issue 1626
Bench press
Bench press
Labour's ones to watch
HP Sauce, Issue 1628
Private Eye Issue 1626
In This Issue
Thank God the nation’s beloved figurehead is back… Sir Edward Davey: An Apology… Green party accused of ‘rowing back’ on green policies… Seven-way debate ‘a total mess’… Mr Tickle admits, ‘Yes, I was a bit handsy but I’ve learned my lesson’… US ironyometer in meltdown… Warning over invasive bamboo story… Four WAGs to watch in the tournament everyone’s talking about… Nadine Dorries: My current concerns, as told to Craig Brown

Deathly prose
Richard Madeley’s murderous writing reviewed

Saving the NHS
MD on the main parties’ health pledges

Right move
Suella Braverman is looking beyond the election already

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.99
1st August 2024
Private Eye Issue 1625