The New Prime Minister’s Highly Confidential WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1624
PM's WhatsApp Group
Esther McVey
It’s all very well standing up to international evil tyrants bent on world domination, but first things first – let’s attack that woke Whitehall workforce with their name-badges attached to multi-coloured ribbons!
Penny Mordaunt
Is that the best we’ve got to get a Conservative election victory?
James Forsyth
Shhh! Don’t say you’re a Conservative, Penny! I did send a memo.
Jeremy Hunt
Looks like Natalie Elphicke took it literally.
Oliver Dowden
Don’t mention her, she’s the Elphicke in the room!
Lord Cameron
Good riddance! She was ghastly, with stupid ideas and dodgy views on women.
Kemi Badenoch
Which was fine with us, until yesterday.
Lord Cameron
But now she’s Starmer’s problem. It just shows what an appalling leader he is, to allow such a disreputable person in his party.
Oliver Dowden
Not to mention her unforgivable lobbying behaviour, eh, Lord Dave?
Lord Cameron
Right, I’m off.
Jonathan Gullis
TO LABOUR? YOU WOKE LEFTIE TOFU-NOSED JUDAS!!!!
Lord Cameron
No, to the Hotel Magnifiski in Boratstan.
Lord Dave has left the group, to visit some agreeable Eastern European hotels before they are invaded by Russian troops.
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Private Eye Issue 1624
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