"If that was a game of chess, it would be game, set and match to Arsenal"
MARTIN KEOWN, TNT Sports

"They are trying to stick a needle into a haystack"
LORD (ALEX) CARLISLE, Radio 4

"Conference season galloping away at a canter!"
LEWIS GOODALL, LBC

"Out of the corner of her eye, she could hear the footsteps"
COURTNEY WINFIELD-HILL, Sky Sports

"The boot's on the other side of the coin"
PETER DRURY, Sky Sports

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.