The Totally Secure Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1653
PM's WhatsApp Group
Government is about having the guts to make difficult decisions. And then making the difficult decision to go back on them.
Morgan McSweeney
Now that’s strong leadership.
And I’ve done it three times.
Morgan McSweeney
Winter fuel, grooming inquiry and now welfare. Triply strong, boss!
Thanks, Morgan, your job’s safe.
Angela Rayner
Uh-oh, McSweeney, you’d better start packing your bags!
Rachel Reeves
Is my job safe?
Absolutely, Rachel
Rachel Reeves
You’re not going to do a U-turn on that as well, are you?
Absolutely not. You’re going to be Chancellor for a very long time.
Jonathan Reynolds
A week’s a long time in politics!
Ellie Reeves
That’s just mean. Leave my sister alone. Ignore him, Rachel, you go, girl!
Darren Jones
If you do go, Rachel, can I just say, in the most loyal way possible, that it would be an honour and a privilege to take over as Chancellor?
That’ll be up to me. I’m in charge. If that’s OK with the backbenchers? Chief Whip, what do you think?
Sir Alan Campbell
I’ll ask them nicely and see what they say, but I can’t guarantee anything.
Yvette Cooper
We could do with less Sir Alan Campbell and more Alastair Campbell. No wonder we look so pathetic and feeble.
Sir Alan Campbell
Good point. A Government with a massive majority should really be able to get its own bills through Parliament.
Alastair Campbell
Call yourself Chief Whip? Chief Wimp, more like! You’re softer than a Mr Whippy ice cream in a fucking heatwave! You’re as flakey as a fucking ninety-nine when it’s thirty- five sodding degrees! You’re as wet as Rachel Reeves’ fucking hankie!
Sir Alan Campbell
Fair enough. You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m sorry about the vote, I got the numbers wrong.
Angela Rayner
You should be Chancellor then!
The moderator has removed Alastair Campbell on the grounds of lack of empathy for the Chancellor and fears of legal action from Mr Whippy.
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Private Eye Issue 1653
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