Issue 1545
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "Post-Brexit, farming unions within Great Britain continue to lobby government that farmers must have ‘a level playing field’ with counterparts in foreign countries. But will simply insisting that imported food must meet domestic safety, environmental and farm animal welfare standards be enough to save farmers from the effects of food trade liberalisation? At the centre of what will happen is Tim ‘horse-burger-gate’ Smith, the recently appointed chief of the new Trade and Agriculture Commission…”
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "Some retail firms have seen demand and profits soar during the pandemic, but things work differently in transport, where Govia Thameslink Railway (GTR) has thrived on reduced demand and soaring subsidy. GTR won a management contract in 2014 for services between London and many counties to the north and south. Unlike profit-driven rail franchises, the contract paid GTR an agreed fee while the government took the revenue and covered costs…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "Over the winter, British broadcasters had been quietly working on alternative versions of the same documentary. Peak-time slots were already booked around 10 June for 100th birthday tributes to the Queen’s husband; but as his health failed, obituary films were also being prepared. Contributors report being asked to record their insights in both present and past tense, lounge and funeral suits…”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "More about the boom in domestic wood-burning (Eye 1542), which, distressingly for many, emits vastly more harmful particulates than other types of heating that are ready alternatives for most homes. The trend is encouraged by the government’s own deeply flawed Renewable Heat Incentive; but mostly it’s down to fashion. And it’s promoted not just by glossy ‘lifestyle’ advertising: this thriving sector benefits from a vigorous lobby, cosy relationships between industry and government, and an apparent determination by politicians to ignore the resultant air quality problem…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "It was inevitable that the government’s £1.87bn cultural recovery fund (CRF) payouts would generate hostility between the gets and get-nots. The latest handouts have been criticised over the large sums given to classical music artists’ agencies. Askonas Holt received £441,000, while £375,000 went to Harrison Parrott and £109,000 to Rayfield Allied. Why, people ask, should these industries pocket CRF support when so many makers and deliverers of cultural activity have been turned down or given token sums?…”
in the city
With Slicker: "Ever louder echoes of the 2008 banking meltdown reverberate from the failure of shadow bank Greensill Capital and the implosion at (possibly now ex-) billionaire Bill Hwang’s Archegos Capital Management. Four aspects of these otherwise unconnected events go back to the causes of the financial crisis which was supposed to have changed behaviour in the City and on Wall Street. Consider first ‘future accounts receivable’ (or what might unkindly be described as pretend, or very unkindly, as fabricated invoices) issued in the name of real companies for potential (ie imagined) future sales…”
eye world
Letter from Maputo
From Our Own Correspondent:
"Something is surely amiss when an elected government entrusts a private company with combating insurgency in a region that is home to a multi-billion-dollar investment. It becomes even more disturbing when it turns out that the company concerned is headed by one of Africa’s more notorious mercenaries – or ‘security consultants’, as they prefer to be known. But who is this pricey saviour of Mozambique in southern Africa?…”
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Next issue on sale: 12th May 2021
Private Eye Issue 1545
In This Issue
That Prince Philip Coverage in Full… Police learn lessons of relaxed and restrained policing as kiddies and old ladies mass outside Windsor Castle to lay flowers… Backwards island that worshipped Philip as a living god plunged into grief… Post-lockdown fears rise of long dull Covid anecdotes as people meet again at the pub… Government fully backs and totally opposes introduction of vaccine passports… Education secretary Gavin Williamson ‘constantly disrupting lessons with stupid announcements’ say mobile phones… Alan Duncan’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Prince Phil Space
So. Farewell then the Duke of Edinburgh…

Lex maniacs
The hacks who talked up the failed financier

Split breaches
Sunak, Hancock and the ministerial code

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12th May 2021
Private Eye Issue 1544