Issue 1530
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: "For years, the likes of the Sustainable Food Trust have been trying to persuade the government how important it is to prevent the closure of any more small slaughterhouses (whose number in the UK has fallen from 96 to 61 since 2007). So will the important role small abattoirs played during the Covid-19 pandemic, in keeping a robust food chain functioning during a national crisis, finally convince the government they are worth saving?…”
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: "HS2 Ltd, the government company building the high-speed line, was underwhelmed by the potential for trains to transport HS2 raw materials in 2016, when it estimated that trains could replace just 16.7 percent of expected HS2 lorry movements to and from the Euston station construction site. But last month it trumpeted: ‘HS2 rail freight deliveries set to take 1.5m lorries off Britain’s roads.’ Will road users notice a drop in lorry traffic? Er, no: that traffic doesn’t exist in the first place…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: "A lot can be told about a channel’s favoured branding by the material it selects as ‘promotional priorities’ – the shows to be most boasted about in trails and the media – or what are known in marketing jargon as PPs. Channel 4 has perhaps taken the abbreviation literally by making such a fuss about Me and My Penis, but the network’s desire for this cock-doc to be its big standout in the first week of September tells us that C4’s strategy for drawing viewers is edgy sensationalism…”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: "Juliet Davenport OBE, founder, chief executive and major shareholder of Good Energy (GE), and member of multiple other boards, is an establishment figure. Quite a contrast to her husband, would-be tidal lagoon developer Mark Shorrock, whose perennial inaccuracy on matters of fact was rumbled long ago and who has been slated for giving unsatisfactory evidence by two parliamentary committees. Curiously, last month saw Davenport appointed to the board of the Crown Estate…”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: "As the annual brouhaha over the Last Night of the Proms and its absurd/offensive/harmless content returns – embellished this year by the BBC’s embarrassing U-turn last week allowing Rule, Britannia to be sung after all, thus ditching its specially commissioned word-free arrangement – what hopes that the Last Night itself will be equally lively? Anyone who has watched the audience-free Proms on TV will know how uncomfortable the emptiness is; and despite the rictus grins on their faces, most of the musicians involved are despondent…”
in the city
With Slicker: "Non-executive directors are the City’s supposed protection for investors against the all-powerful chief executive. Their ultimate sanction is the ability to force out the CEO. But examples are few, and more often disguised by corporate spin. But how do you control the CEO who is not only the founder, largest shareholder and chairman but also holds a ‘founder share’ that can block not just any takeover but possibly a boardroom coup, and all these powers have been approved by key institutional shareholders when the company floated on the stock market? With difficulty…”
eye world
Letter from Taipei
From Our Own Correspondent:
"Our always welcoming island has been especially hospitable of late. One People’s Republic of China resident recently swam seven hours from Xiamen across the treacherous waters of Weitou Bay to Kinmen and asylum here in Taiwan. He said he was tired of Communist oppression. We expect more to follow, possibly by more conventional means, and more likely from Hong Kong than the mainland. The sweeping new security law in the former British colony has dealt a death blow to what little support for unification remained here in Taiwan…”
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Next issue on sale: 20th October 2020
Private Eye Issue 1530
In This Issue
Doubt over Russian ‘miracle drug’ as Novichok trials prove inconclusive… TV first as ‘Strictly’ experiments with straight couple who don’t end up having sex with each other… Astro-physicists discover massive black hole ‘too big to exist’ in UK finances… Taxpayers to donate half their income seven days a week in Sunak’s new Fork Out to Help Out repayment plan… BBC to curb left-wing satirists who propelled Corbyn to power and denied Tories huge 80-seat majority… Russell Brand: The Big Questions, as told to Craig Brown

Covid update
MD on the search for safety

Davie’s locker
Enemies all round for the new BBC DG

Infected blood
It’s time at last for some answers

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20th October 2020
Private Eye Issue 1529