"He's definitely got a puncture… It's either his front tyre or his rear"
ADAM BLYTHE, TNT Sports

"This is the best condition golf course I've ever seen, and it's not far behind Augusta"
PAUL McGINLEY, Sky Sports

"It's all about who's got their noses in front when the music stops"
JON CHAMPION, Amazon Prime Video

"Keep the inertia going"
ROBBIE McEWEN, Discovery

"He's been described as a goalkeeper who has a head on top of his shoulders"
OLIVER WILSON, TNT Sports

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.