Prime Minister's New Year Message
Live on Fakebook, Issue 1513
PM's Questions
Hello to you, the People’s People…

…at this, the beginning of the People’s Decade! And my New Year Message to you all, channelling Janus the two-faced god who looks both ways, is: I’m your Prime Minister; whoever you are, whatever your views, however you voted, I’m on your side.

“How is that possible?” you ask and my reply is simple. I’m not answering that question. I’m not at home to Percy Pessimism, or Deidre Doomsayer for that matter, from now on it’s “Hello Oswald Optimism!!!” And, of course, not forgetting Ursula Upbeatness!!!!

Now, this may not seem a very good week to be talking about boundless optimism, a golden future and a decade of prosperity, but trust me (no, really!), everything will go swimmingly, as swimmingly as myself in those very natty swimming shorts in Mustique.

So first People’s Question, as imagined by my new digital media whizz kids from Down Under, Sean and Ben, who did such great work making the Aussie PM one of the most popular men in the world. This comes from Miss Plenty O’Flattery, a young lady from Ireland no doubt... Fire away!

Well done for coming back so quickly from Mustique, only three days after the international crisis blew up – why didn’t you stay longer on your well-earned break with the lovely Carrie?…

To read more from Prime Minister's Questions in full, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 18th February 2020
gnitty
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
MORE FROM PRIVATE EYE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1513
In This Issue
How dare the Great Satan act like us! Tehran Times Exclusive… US president attacks Trump for dragging US back into Middle East morass… UK teenager facing jail in Cyprus begs PM not to get involved in her case… Aussie PM ‘turning us into a laughing stock’ says Sir Les Patterson… US reveals ‘nuclear winter’ plan to reverse climate change… Labour fury as Phillips and Starmer enter leadership race and risk being popular with voters…

Weirdo News
Dominic Cummings’ Diary

World of Spart
Keir Starmer, student tyro

Capitalism 2.0
Even plutocrats say it’s bust

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.00
SUBSCRIBE HERE
NEXT ISSUE ON SALE
18th February 2020
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
Private Eye Issue 1512