Issue 1516
commentatorballs “If this [HS2] becomes like a huge great white elephant, this will be an albatross round his neck”
AYESHA HAZARIKA
Sky News

“It’s a great boost for the Premiership to recruit players of his elk”
TREVOR SINCLAIR
TalkSport

“Children are the future of tomorrow”
KONNIE HUQ
Radio 5 Live

“The Leicester ship has got the wind in its sails and is steaming towards Chelsea”
TalkSport commentator

“If they lose this now, it’ll almost feel like a defeat”
ROB PHILLIPS
BBC Radio Wales

gnitty
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Private Eye Issue 1516
In This Issue
‘It’s what Caroline would have wanted’ – ITV keeps Love Island on air after consulting widely with its accountants… Latest Royal Couple to split as Lion and Unicorn go separate ways… Gay man comes out as presenter on morning TV… China says coronavirus source is now dead so can no longer infect anyone with dangerous facts… Chinese emperor offers to help rebuild Rome in a day… Shock as supervillain Dominic Evil appoints evil Mini-Me as his special adviser… John Bercow’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

Bar humbug!
Brave Suella’s rise to the top

Diamond geezer
Tory treasurer’s associate in court

HS2 Special
Trebles all round for the suits

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Private Eye Issue 1515