St Theresa

The Headmistress Writes
Issue 1471
st theresa.jpg Good afternoon, or rather - Hi Kids!

Who says that I’m joyless? Well it was Ms Davidson. Or should that be Mrs or Mr? Only being funny, you see! Joyful, fun, and not a bit out of date – that’s me! Fun-loving Theresa May, but you can call me Mrs May! 

Ruth said this week that the staff room “comes across as joyless” to the pupils and that the senior staff don’t connect with young people. What could be further from the truth? Mr Green used to connect with young people, although he had to go, and so did Mr Fallon, although he had to go as well, and Mr Young used to act like a young person on Twitter, before he had to go even before he started his job.  

Meanwhile, talking of fun, I’ve taken over the coaching of the school Rounders team, and got the whole staff involved. It’s a great game where everyone runs round and round in circles. I have, however, added my own modification, which is to add a number of new positions. So behind the back stop there is another back stop and behind them there is another one and so and so on right up to the fence on which I’m sitting for as long as possible. 

Well that’s probably enough from me, as I’m going on holiday for Whitsun, to do something fun, obviously, like walking and possibly some walking. Fun times! Fun people! Fun school! It’s a good time to go on holiday as there’s not much going on at the school and nothing in the IN-Tray, quite a lot in the OUT-Tray but that’s another story. 

I’ve kept this message short because I know young people have a short attention span, in fact they may have stopped reading already. Possibly after the words ‘Hi Kids’, and who can blame them? Me. You’re all in detention.

Mrs T May

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Next issue on sale: 26th June 2018
Private Eye Issue 1471

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26th June 2018
In This Issue
Boris in hoax call shock…Nursery Times: End of the line for the Fat Controller… Visa crisis hits Windfall Generation... What will happen now that Meghan has changed Britain forever... Homebase crazy sale continues!… The Chelsea Flower Show, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Royal Wedding Balls: In sickness and in health
- Rebranding news:
Theatres and canals present a banquet of bollocks.

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Private Eye Issue 1470