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A Message From The Headmaster
Issue 1406

The school bully, Mr Tatler Toryboy, has been expelled from the school, due to his appalling behaviour in running the Sixth Form Society “Blue Future Forward Forward Future”. Good riddance. If anyone is going to do any of the Flashman stuff round here, it will be the Headmaster, thank you very much.

Mr Halfcock remains on the staff after having learned the valuable lesson that female support staff are not meant to be working “under him” in a literal sense! He’s one of George’s friends, who hasn’t been “cut” this time, but we’re keeping a close eye on him, as no doubt is his partner. (Cruel, Finky, but fair!)

Possibly vale
It is with great sadness that we don’t say farewell to Mr Shapps. Grant was entirely responsible (or rather irresponsible!) for “bigging up” school bully Tatler Toryboy as a future member of staff. He is now in hiding abroad in his capacity as Junior Assistant to the International School Development Officer. On his return he will be given a new role, as Head of Can-Carrying. Mr Shapps is best known for pretending to be someone else on his CV (Michael Green). He might well be advised now to adopt an alias and thus avoid finger-pointing and embarrassment.


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Private Eye Issue 1406
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8th December 2015
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Cameron Announces Thousands of New Announcements… Labour ‘Terror Threat Raised to Corbyn’… God Admits Doubts About Archbishop Welby… Isis Accuses Russians of Cheating… Kay Burley’s Animals of the Paris Bombing… Film Highlights: They Didn’t Fly to Bruges… Obama’s ‘Coalition of the Willing to Let Putin Do What He Wants’… Edmund de Waal: The White Road, as told to Craig Brown

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- After Paris… Molenbeek memo; security lessons for the UK; plus a Cartoon Special
- Rinse & Spin: Business still booms for the UK dirty money laundry
PLUS: Focus on the Corbynistas
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Private Eye Issue 1405