"Sometimes you've just got to know how the butter's bread"
ALEX HARTLEY, 5 Live Sports Extra

"The flick has been switched!"
STUART PYKE, ITV4

"One-nil up, and they have taken the lead as well"
GEOFF DOYLE, BBC Three Counties Radio

"People say look in the mirror, but we just go home and reflect"
JACOB MURPHY, Sky Sports

"He did well there – he got himself between Dick and ball"
MICHAEL STEWART, BBC Scotland

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.