"The Arsenal result tonight will have Man City rubbing their lips!"
CONOR COADY, Sky Sports

"He's got it in buckets and spades – I mean buckets"
SCOTT HASTINGS, ITV

"GB have won five of their four matches"
STEVE CRAM, BBC1

"We wait for the 32-rider field to hear the green light"
OLI BECKINGSALE, TNT Sports

"...Whether you're talking about all the survivors of Brian Epstein..."
JUDE KELLY, Radio 4

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.