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Issue 1684

Bradley Walsh: How many inches are there in three feet?
Contestant: Five.

Walsh: What is the largest island in the Bristol Channel? Contestant: Guernsey.

Clive Myrie: What imperial measurement is just over 568 millilitres?
Contestant: A foot.

gnitty
Please email your entries to dumb@private-eye.co.uk

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In This Issue

Huge embarrassment over Bayeux by our Loom Correspondent, Jackie Weaver… Pick of the movies: Piddington Bear… London Fascist Week begins… That Russian Election: Photo Diary of a Surprise Victory… Have They Become Sentient? By our AI reporter Chat G.P. Tee… School News: St Custard Creams and St Hobknobs … Sir Herbert Gusset on Sydney Sweeney: Letter to the Editor… Ironyometers still malfunctioning as world events prove too much… Eric Idle in Provence, as told to Craig Brown.

Oxfamine
The charity’s ill-starred online shopping venture

Rich tapestry
Peter Thiel and George Osborne’s shared interests

Friends with benefits
Angela Rayner’s puzzling fondness for data centres

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