“I’m not giving any grist to his elbow”
SIMON JORDAN, TalkSport

“We’ve had everything. We’ve had rain. We haven’t had hail, sleet or snow”
DAVID CROFT, Sky Sports

“There is no planet on Earth”
CHRIS JONES, Rugby Union Weekly podcast

“What we’re here to do is actually talk about action, unlike just talking about it”
JEROME COX-STRONG, Radio 4

“Look in the mirror before you start throwing glass at the window”
Manchester City fan, TalkSport

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.