“There is no planet on Earth”
CHRIS JONES, Rugby Union Weekly podcast

“I’m not giving any grist to his elbow”
SIMON JORDAN, TalkSport

“Look in the mirror before you start throwing glass at the window”
Manchester City fan, TalkSport

“What we’re here to do is actually talk about action, unlike just talking about it”
JEROME COX-STRONG, Radio 4

“We’ve had everything. We’ve had rain. We haven’t had hail, sleet or snow”
DAVID CROFT, Sky Sports

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.