COLUMNISTS
Issue 1681
agri brigade
With Bio-Waste Spreader: With the government having mapped out a legislative timescale to improve farm animal welfare by 2030, it’s important the public understands the issues involved, as the measures will inevitably increase food prices. It’s worrying therefore that two prominent presenters of the BBC1 farming programme Countryfile appear ignorant about current legislation applying to the intensive farming of chicken and pigs…”
medicine balls
With MD: “Andy Burnham clearly has the motivation to improve social care, as does Baroness (Louise) Casey, whose social care report has been ‘brought forward’ to 2027. But to tackle such a complex issue where politicians have sailed and failed 22 times before requires an incremental approach. This would make it easier for Burnham to get cross-party support, while also explaining how it will be funded…”
signal failures
With Dr B Ching: “Could Andy Burnham’s leadership at last overturn the London-centric Whitehall bias that has made CrossCountry trains chronically overcrowded? CrossCountry’s routes radiate from Birmingham to Aberdeen, Manchester, Nottingham, Cambridge, Cardiff, Bournemouth and Penzance – but not London. Most have just two to five carriages with minimal luggage space. It deters passengers with high fares that can be dearer than going a longer way round on other trains…”
us eye
With Lady Liberty: “‘cool use case of chatgpt work i heard last night,’ posted OpenAI’s Sam Altman on 31 July, all in lower case, to remind you that this 41-year-old billionaire is a rebel who can’t be tamed. ‘connect your family calendars and explain your kids’ interests. every morning for the drive to school, have it make a podcast that talks about one kid’s soccer game that afternoon, one kid’s upcoming birthday, some news, etc’…”
eye tv
With Remote Controller: “The summer’s biggest TV stories have been BBC director-general Matt Brittin declaring the licence fee a ‘busted flush’ (see last Eye) and the corporation being overtaken as the biggest UK network – topped by YouTube for overall viewing and Netflix among casual browsers. A good time, then, to look at a show the BBC has still got, one it lost, and an example from its current ratings nemesis. In high summer, the BBC often puts out drama pulled from prime autumn, spring and winter…”
keeping the lights on
With Old Sparky: “So. Farewell then Ed Miliband, whose worst critic would have to concede his impressive tenacity as energy secretary. He’s been flexible, too, when faced with hard facts that made manifesto promises unrealisable. Miliband pledged to reduce all our energy bills permanently by £300 a year, based explicitly on the claim that renewable electricity is cheaper than the alternatives. When it became apparent that for now, it isn’t, he resorted to using general taxation to offset charges...”
music and musicians
With Lunchtime O’Boulez: “An annual challenge for visitors to the Edinburgh Festival is trying to decipher the city’s byzantine bus system. But it’s going to be worse than ever this year with a chunk of Princes Street, the city’s main thoroughfare, closed off after a fire ravaged the former Debenhams department store last month. So buses are rerouted, some suspended altogether, as are trams. That this coincides with Edinburgh’s new tourist tax…”
eye world
Letter from Tirana
From Our Own Correspondent: “The flamingos have come home to roost for our long-serving PM, Edi Rama, who has faced daily protests since the end of May over plans to allow a luxury resort development in one of Albania’s most beautiful (and environmentally delicate) areas. It’s the biggest challenge to Rama since the first of his four election victories back in 2013. It’s called the Flamingo Revolution after the wading birds that shelter in the Narta lagoon, previously a protected landscape on the Zvërnec peninsula and now a proposed tourism project…”
in the money
With Gold Digger: “The latest fine for scandalous large corporate behaviour and the absence of consequences for those in charge shows again the impunity pervading Britain’s boardrooms. Last month, as was widely reported, Ofcom fined Virgin Media O2 £28m for mishandling millions of phone calls from customers in a bid to stop them cancelling their contracts – behaviour, the regulator said, the company encouraged ‘by financially rewarding [staff] through its commission scheme’…”
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Next issue on sale: 20th August 2026
gnitty
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1681
In This Issue
Nadine Phworries Writes exclusively for the Doolally Mail... Why the Burnham Bounce is a disaster for Burnham... Burnham U-turns ‘confident and decisive’... Why not enjoy a road trip through southern France?... Rogue AI bots nothing to worry about... Something we said was bad isn’t... Conspiracy update: King and Queen emerge from the Tardis special... Person on social media has no strong opinion about The Odyssey... My summer of 1976, as told to Craig Brown

Power struggle
Lady Liberty on America’s data centre wars

Local problems
Which is the rottenest borough of them all?

Debbie downer
The FA’s timid attitude to Fifa’s Infantino

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Private Eye Issue 1680
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