St Theresa

School Nicknames
Issue 1456
st theresa.jpg There’s a long and healthy tradition in the school of giving teachers nicknames. From the Iron Lady, which was how Mrs Thatcher was known (2nd most successful Headmistress), to Iain “Quiet Man” Duncan Cough (which was very cruel, as respiratory problems can afflict anyone at any point in their speech, or so I’m told).

More recently we have come to refer to the Bursar as “Spreadshit Phil”, which is entirely affectionate and not intended to undermine him very much at all, being both amusing and accurate.

However, one has to draw the line somewhere and the recent moniker given to Mr David “Lazy” Davis is a little too close to the bone. I can assure you, “Lazy” works very hard to earn his four days off a week and I’ve asked Mr Davis to address this misunderstanding and refute any suggestion that he’s avoiding having meetings. Unfortunately, he told me that his schedule was very busy and, just between the two of us, he couldn’t be bothered. However, he did scribble the following note about how he was getting on in his negotiations with the European Education Union, on the back of this beermat.

“Wotcha one and all! Nothing to worry about. These talks are bound to go on a bit. Probably won’t be sorted till after they’re over! Cheers!”


The Bursar, at time of going to press, writes…

My meeting with senior staff about my school budget plans was a great success, as there was comparatively little shouting or bloodshed. It was interesting that everyone came armed with their own ideas, namely that they should be Bursar. The meeting came to a highly satisfactory conclusion, with me still being Bursar. 

As for the outlook going forward, it looks very positive, despite the uncertainty surrounding how certain we can be about the outlook going forward. But I am certain of one thing, we will tackle any uncertainty facing us with confidence and certainty.


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Private Eye Issue 1455