St Theresa

The Headmistress Writes
Issue 1484
st theresa.jpg Good afternoon.

In the words of the second greatest headmistress of this great school, “Rejoice! ?Rejoice!” The deal is done! I have returned from Europe in triumph.

To quote a former headmaster of this school, “I have in my hand a piece of paper!” or, in my case, 585 pieces of paper!

And quoting possibly our greatest ever head (though history may decide otherwise after this week!), “It is not the end of Brexit, it is not even the beginning of the end of Brexit, but it may be the end of the beginning of the beginning of the end.”

All that remains, after my historic agreement with Mr Druncker of the European Education Union, is to negotiate an agreement with my own staff and the school.

This, I assure you, will be a formality but, just in case it isn’t, I have written a letter to every parent in the school asking for their support.

Here is the letter:

Dear Parent,
Help!
Yours,
Theresa May, Headmistress


This should guarantee a smooth passage of the agreement without any need for a change of headmistress, a so-called “Pupils’ Vote” in the Debating Society, or old Mr Corbyn to be brought in as emergency supply head.

Can I leave you with the words of yet another distinguished head of this school, as he disembarked from an aeroplane: “Crisis? What crisis?”

TM

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Private Eye Issue 1483