St Theresa

The Headmistress Writes
Issue 1439
st theresa.jpg Good afternoon,

We now enter the season of Lent, which is not a reference to the admittedly large sums of money which the school still owes to various lenders, nor to the Bursar’s promises to bring down the school’s debts by borrowing some more money. Nor to the vast amount of money which we will shortly owe the European Education Union once we begin the money-saving process of leaving it.

No, the Lent I’m referring to is that period of self-denial where we all make sacrifices and give up things like jobs, benefits, healthcare, hope, the will to live or, in my case, crisps. I can’t tell you how hard it’s going to be, as I’m very partial to the odd packet of crisps, flavoured with a large pinch of salt, not that you’d know from what the Sixth Form Fashion Soc were kind enough to call and I quote, with some reluctance, my “incredibly svelte figure”. (Thank you, Vine, S, and no I’m afraid your favourite teacher Mr Gove still can’t have his job back due to his life-time detention on the naughty chair.)

I also have an idea for everybody else out there. (Or at least 48% of you. You know who you are. And so do I. Because I used to be one of you. But I’m not anymore.) I think that this year, while I give up something tough, ie crisps, the rest of the school should give up something simple, ie moaning.

Now, I don’t want to make a big thing about it and go on and on about how annoying it is when people moan about what I’m doing. Moan, moan, moan, tell me about it! But it is quite annoying and I think a more positive attitude would make everyone happier, particularly me.

The message is, cheer up, it may never happen. Although it will, definitely, whatever the elderly and confused Governors say. By the end of March. Or sooner. Or later. And a last word on giving up, I was delighted to see that temporary supply teacher Mr Corbyn has given up. For Lent. And in general. Wishing everyone a suitably austere Lententide,

Mrs T May (Headmistress)

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21st March 2017
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Private Eye Issue 1438