"The flick has been switched!"
STUART PYKE, ITV4

"Sometimes you've just got to know how the butter's bread"
ALEX HARTLEY, 5 Live Sports Extra

"People say look in the mirror, but we just go home and reflect"
JACOB MURPHY, Sky Sports

"One-nil up, and they have taken the lead as well"
GEOFF DOYLE, BBC Three Counties Radio

"He did well there – he got himself between Dick and ball"
MICHAEL STEWART, BBC Scotland

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.