"It was more than impossible, it was undoable"
LEON OSMAN, Radio 5 Live

"If you look at the side last year, getting into the Champions League and winning a trophy, they've digressed"
DANNY MURPHY, BBC1

"He's a safe pair of houses at set pieces"
MARK JOHNSON, BBC Radio Cambridgeshire

"The Liverpool players are pleasuring each other with the football"
STUART PEARCE, TalkSport

"Small hall boxing is very much hand-to-mouth"
PAUL HAWKSBEE, TalkSport

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.